Sunday, November 29, 2009

What I've Learned from Raising My Kids

My sister, Jennifer, loves to write, she wrote this great piece about raising her kids. Please read and enjoy!!


Well rounded, well behaved children are:

  1. Hard to come by
  2. EASY PEASY
  3. HELP ME PLEASE!

Ok, we have all been there and if you chose A or C, well I am here to give you some tips and reassure you well rounded children are not hard to come by. First off let me tell you a little about myself. I have a beautiful, active, responsible, smart 15 year old, I am honestly not just bragging, she gets good grades, is an athlete, eats healthy food vs. junk food a majority of the time at least (she IS a teenager), and has no problem talking to me about anything. I do get compliments on her behavior often and many people genuinely like being around her. I say, the proof is in the pudding and this pudding is really good. Now do not get me wrong the child does find her self in trouble, but not anything that I would not call normal. She is teenager after all and at some point they break the rules. The dealing with trouble topic will be a later article, at a later date. This one however is all about what helps a child understand the rules, expectations and love of a parent. J

Oh the joy of parenting, there are some days when I want to pull my hair out and some days where I can’t get enough of kissing and hugging on her. Ever wonder just what to do to ensure that your child feels safe in the home, knows he or she is part of a family unit and how ensure they are helping the overall survival of that family unit. A team must function as a team, if everyone is always separated or always busy how can a team have a synergy. Many people today in their companies have team building strategies why not have a similar plan at home?!? Now I’M not saying you need to drop backwards and hope your kids catches you… eep could you imagine? Oh SOMEONE will be traumatized there. What I am saying is family dependability and home structure is the most important thing your child can have during his or her time with you.

Here are some great ideas that my family has always practiced not only in both my own childhood and that of my lovely daughter but also in the homes of my siblings.

  • Family dinner time, at least half of the week. What better way then to sit down and discuss the day and really unwind then around FOOD! If the food is healthy there are two important points here that your children will learn. 1. Healthy food is DE-LI-COUS and 2. Mommy and Daddy are taking time out to pay attention to us and we feel important. (Did I mention there is FOOD?)
  • Church: OH MY is Church important. The spiritual lessons your child will learn will help them through the tough times. Sometimes it is faith in the higher power and strength from that higher power that gets us through the tough times. Not to mention the morality lessons they learn and the love they can feel from our Lord above. I personally thank God everyday for my daughter’s guardian angel that sits on her shoulder guiding her through the rough waters of high school. When I tell her that, all she does is smile, and it makes her feel important that she has an angel, of course everyone does, she just knows about hers.
  • READ to your kids. This is something I often failed to do as a young mother but I see the damage it has done. My daughter struggles with her interest in books and sometime would rather watch T.V. *sigh* that is my fault. But with my nieces I see how they devour books everyday; my 8 year old niece just loves the books. (My girl reads them to her and the babies…so I KINDA got my way? Or is that wishful thinking?) Either way reading is an AWESOME alternative to movies or television. IMAGINATION can take you ANYWHERE. *hint hint Colleges and employers love the imaginative ones… why not exercise it!*
  • Make easy rules and STICK TO EM! Rules, oh how important rules are. The absolute: do not do this or this please. Make them easy as well; like, the dishes must go in this cabinet, or stay in this part of the yard not this part. As your child grows more, responsibly is a must. FAMOUS words in my house are “age appropriate” she knows this means that a 15 year old sophomore is NOT going to the senior prom nor driving in a car with other teenagers. Now comes the hard part. If you stick to the rules and they break them…Guess what PUNISHMENT TIME! Oh I hated this part.

  • Don’t threaten/promise what you don’t intend to keep. Always Always ALWAYS remember that if you say, “If you don’t do this or that, then I will put you in time out...” then...yes your going to have to put them in time out...if they don’t do it. This is no fun but like mama always said “this will hurt me more then it hurts you” and you know what? She was right. (yes my mother does like hearing this) I didn’t understand that until my own daughter wailed like the dickens while she sat in her time out chair. To this day the pouting when she is grounded from something kills me. But if I don’t do what I say I will do then where is the threat? If a person constantly promises you something but then never comes through how long will you believe them? Your kids look to you for structure and dependability… and we have to provide it, no matter how much we hate to see those adorable faces pouting and angry at us. Something I always told myself is:”I’m her mom she HAS to love me in the end”. In the end your kids will respect you and love all the more…believe in that.
  • Volunteer with your kids. Oh the joy of giving, how else can you teach your kids this joy then by them sharing their talents? Volunteering helps kids learn three MAJOR things: 1. that the world is bigger than themselves, 2. thankfulness for what they have. And the third is the biggest... EMPATHY. A child with empathy will be able to understand the human conditions more than one without. Sometimes the world is not so great, sometimes people get down on their luck, but we can help to make it a little bit better. I learned PERSONALY, that empathy helped my daughter understand when things were not going so great for our family. You’d be amazed by your own child’s capacity to understand and love when they have this emotion.
  • Talk to your kids about ANYTHING. I really don’t need to tell anyone this…but …YOU are your child’s greatest teacher. AND AMEN to that. I would not want my kid’s friends to teach her about sex…would you? *shudder* My daughter talks me too…mostly because I ask and I’m nosy but she would not talk to me NOW if I didn’t talk to her when she was little. I even tell her a little bit about MY life (AGE appropriate of course…I love those words) I tell her about work or my friends and their families, but this opens the door to a SHARING conversation. I listen to and even sometimes take her opinions. (and she has them, BELIEVE me) I love this time with her, you will too with your child, just relax, breath and open the door with; “Hey, how are you?”, “ What are you thinking?”, “How do you feel about this?”, or “ What do you think about this?”. Once my daughter and I had a long discussion about what she felt about the presidential election and I found out my daughter is a conservatist ...Neat huh?

Parenting isn’t easy… but I would not trade it for the world and I am pretty sure you feel the same way. Just remember when in doubt turn to Our Lord… He seems to answer in His own way, but He always does.

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